Tomorrow I end an old season of my life and start a new one. I'm so scared that I probably won't be able to sleep much tonight. Six years ago I was in this same situation, but I felt like I could see so much farther into what my life could be. Of course, I never believed it would bring me through some of the things it has. Even though I'm so much more scared than I was then, the future looks more promising than I could have ever hoped. I can't help but have faith in that.
But I know that it's also going to be hard. The field of work I want to go into isn't an easy mountain to climb and comes with a landslide of rejection, something that I've never taken well. I guess it's because I love my work and I want other people to love it too. It's strange, and something I've never understood, that God would give this kind of gift and this kind of dream to a sensitive and introverted person like me.
After 18 years of nothing but school I'm standing in a strange place. I've heard advice to go to grad school immediately and I've heard advice to wait a bit, but for now I have no desire to go back to school and I don't feel any pull from God to keep going right now. And yet, even though I'm pretty tired of classes day after day, such an abrupt end to something so familiar is frightening. But most unknowns are. So if you'll excuse me, I need to go buff up my armor.
