I am not a mom. But I do deal with a toddler three days a week. If you had asked me how I felt about children in high school you would have gotten a frightening look, including fingers crossed in front of me as if to ward off evil. Children were completely different beings from adults. Really, that's true, but not in the way I used to think. They don't know as much as we do, words included, but they're so darn cute when they're trying to say horsey and it comes out "wosey." Now I change diapers on a fairly regular basis, and sometimes they are indeed poopy. Now I serve as a bed for a small child who doesn't seem to be able to take a nap on his own. Now I'm finally understanding how quickly you learn when you're totally immersed in another language.
Swim Suits, or a Nightmarish Hell of Societal Standards
I am not a skinny girl. I don't really have curves either. I have the most horrible time with swimsuits, but I LOVE swimming. It's a struggle to find a suit that I like, that fits, and that looks good on my body. Lately I've been scouring the interwebs for a high-waisted bikini, because I like the retro look. I feel like it would look cute and cover up some things I'm not so happy with. Apparently they're also coming a bit back into style. Most of the ones I'm finding are too expensive, too low cut, or too revealing. I know that sounds like it makes no sense, but you have to understand that some people (not me) seem to like showing as much skin as possible, so designers seem to be adapting older styles to newer tastes. On one site I went to, for instance, as the waist line went up, so did the amount of butt cleavage. I just stared and tried to understand why. I still don't.
The site that's absolutely the bane of my existence is Forever 21. After I visited their store last year and observed that all of the smaller size suits were skimpy and all the plus sizes were high-waisted and cute, I sent them a strongly worded email. They must have listened, but only a little, because they now have a variety of high-waisted bikinis in smaller sizes. The downside? They're all what they so cunningly call "cheeky." In other words, "This is a cute retro bikini, but the whole wide world can see your booty."
This leads me to another reason why I have so much trouble. I can try on a suit and love it. It fits great! Until I come to my butt. I actually have the exact opposite problem that most people have with their butts. It's small. So small that I can fill out every part of a suit and end up with a saggy bottom and loose leg holes. Life could be worse I guess, but saggy swim bottoms aren't really something you can take a sewing machine to (unless you know what you're doing, which I clearly do not).
Friends, or a Lack Thereof
Call me FitzKatti Wheeler, because I am the female version of socially awkward Mr. Darcy. I'm not the kind of person to just walk up to someone and start chatting, which is probably why I don't have a lot of close friends. My circle mainly consists of family and people I've known for years. I do occasionally make a new friend, but it's usually the other party who initiates friendly contact. I mean, I've known Caroline for almost thirteen years now, but I made a few friends at FSU that I'm still in contact with.
I think part of my issue is that I'm afraid to be myself around people I don't know well. It's hard for me to get to know someone without it being awkward, and that's what I hate most. I've been in plenty of situations with acquaintances where they have done or said something that made me really uncomfortable and I just didn't know how to react. Sometimes I wonder if there are even any people who exist that I can be comfortable with.
Until I find anyone like that I'll just stick with texting Caroline and re-watching Downton Abbey with my mom, and maybe being friendly with people over facebook, where eye contact doesn't exist.
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